#RSAC is RBAC(K)!

Well, well, well... It's that time of the year again:  RSA Conference, the infosec class reunion!

As with my ongoing #TSASongs lampooning of the TSA, I like to drip, drip, drip or death-by-comedy my fellow tweeple with some infosec snark, for the weeks before the RSA Conference, when the vendor-PR spin machines start roaring past oughtta-be-illegal decibels.  I use the main conference hashtag #RSAC to sneak in a few sarcastic, overwrought fake vendor pitches, replete with the latest and greatest buzzwords used (and abused) by infosec vendors, analysts and press. 

Self-employed consultants like myself can do no wrong, of course, so I don't include that essential category in this ribbing ;-)

This is in many ways poking fun at what's going on in the infosec industry on any given day, not just at RSA Conference.  When the tough economy meets daily train wreck headlines of massive breaches... the vendor who shouts the loudest and scariest often gets the most leads:  http://t.co/SZDxchFO

Monty Python really gets it!

Note I didn't say the best quality leads, just the most leads...



Below please find a few of the better #RSAC tweets I dropped into the conference buzz machine. 

Enjoy!

(In)Securely,

Gal Shpantzer

-My Evening Iguana can beat up ur Night Dragon and my CC-EAL7 CyberOwls use their Anti-Threat Talons (ATT) to eat ShadyRATs 

-CyberWolves on the prowl? Swarm the threat w nocturnal CyberOwls, they target cyberwolves w Anti-Threat Talonswhere they hate it most!

-Holistically distributed, FIPS-approved, exascale, EO12333-compliant self-defending active-hackback web proxy honeypot in the cloudz

-Plz allow me2 introduce myself, I'm a con of wealth and taste, I've been round for a long long year, stole many a man's soul and faith

-So, you have problems with HIPAA SOX HITECH DITSCAP APT GLBA NIST FIPS-140 CC-EAL7 OASIS TCG NSA EO12333? My appliance does that!   (For a good laugh, search EO 12333)

-0day detecting DEP/ASLR-enabled TCG KMIP SED for over-the-horizon threats 2 NFC micropayment due Wikileaks LadyGaga DVD threat vectors  (referring to State Dep't cables leak)

-Hacktivist-aware, Privacy-enhancing, SinglePaneOfGlass SituationalAwareness of Console Management Distributed Denial of FIPS-140 DDoS


PersistentAdversarialThreatHostileEntityToilingIncessantlyCounterMeasuringAgainstReasonableKineticExigencyTrollingINventiveGroups 


(Translation: PATHETICMARKETING)

-Virtualized BYOD active-defense of API orchestration through self-healing private cloud to holistically protect from CyberWolf attack

-Wirespeed (100G) CC-EAL4+ BigData Securing, Privacy-Aware, DataLeakagePreventing, TCL-enabled iOS/Android BYONOSQL 

FYI the whole CyberWolves thing is, sadly, not my idea.  It's from a real article. :-/ http://www.dcvelocity.com/articles/20111219supply_chain_info_networks_internet_security_threat/

#CantMakeThisUp